- Why are talk radio shows always programmed in the morning? Morning is the last time of the day I feel like listening to talk radio. At 6:30 a.m. I don't care what your opinion is on, oh, just about anything. My compassion and empathy for other human beings has to be sort of nursed and nurtured along as the day continues, much as an elderly arthritic dog has to take its time getting up off the floor to mosey toward the water dish.
- The morning talk radio shows seem to be traditionally set up with a woman and a man. The man is the straight line for the woman's punch and every time he goes out there with any kind of declarative statement the woman clubs him over the head verbally and all the other women call in cheering, "Yah, sister!" As I drive along frowning thinking, Yes, this is fun. Isn't it fun? But somewhere station managers have decreed society perceives this as entertaining. And apparently, it does, which annoys me even more. No, I'm not much of a feminist.
- No one names their kids anything ordinary anymore. If they do, they spell it as phoenetically as possible so their child won't be identical with anyone else on the planet. I don't understand this. There were two Sharons in my graduating class and we suffered no noticeable identity crises. Were I to be born today my name would doubtless be tortured into some unrecognizable moniker: Shareraun. Sheerin. Shaerawn (an Old English spelling perhaps). Spare me. Advice for new parents: name your kid Mary or John, or Sue, or Bob. No one in the classroom will have ever heard of it. I promise.
- Anyone driving an SUV or a minivan should be required to take a tractor-trailer driving course first just to practice tooling around with a high center of gravity and to learn how to back up a vehicle with considerable girth out of cramped places like parking spaces in supermarket lots.*
*with the exception of Heather and Melonie, both of whom are very good drivers, of course. So maybe I should amend that to some driving an SUV or a minivan....oh, never mind. Someone cut me off this morning -- and we'll just leave it at that.
- Decaf coffee is, clearly, just not good enough. It's right up there with tofu and soybean hamburgers and skim milk: a sadly inadequate substitution. And the justification for that statement, judging from the assertions above, should be very much self-explanatory.