Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Bejewelled Hiney Header

It's me, Heather.

Why do I do this? Why do I offer with alacrity to post on ADE and then freeze up? I ask Sharon, "What do you want me to write about?" and she always says, "You could write about the phone book and it would be interesting." She's so nice to me. And call me crazy but I have a soft spot for people who are nice to me. Thus I find myself in the position of posting to ADE as a favor. Except really, it's more like a favor to me to let me post here. I am like a kid in a candy store.

Mostly, I like to post for Sharon because she is far too hard on herself and, if I don't write nice things about her, some of you might never realize what an amazing woman the enigma we call Sharon is. Oh, you may think you know. But you don't, really.

The story that repeatedly flies from my fingers today (no matter how many times I backspace and resolve to tell a nicer story) is the one about how Sharon revamped her blog one day and, when I clicked over, I noticed a bare hiney in the header bejewelled with stick-on rhinestones in the shape of a thong panty. I turned my head this way and that, thinking that I must not be seeing correctly. But no matter how I looked at it, it was obviously a bare bum.

I tried to call Sharon, immediately. She didn't answer. So, I called Melonie. She answered right away and I blurted, "Why does Sharon have a bare arse in her header?"

Melonie's response? "Whaaaaaa?"

"Go look, seriously. There is an arse in the header!"

Melonie, just like me, tilted her head this way and that, squinted, looked from up close and far away and came to the conclusion that arse was the theme of the day on Adventures of A Domestic Engineer.

She told me, "She can't possibly realize what that is. I will call her."

Sharon answered (she'd been outside with the boys when I called) and Melonie gave her the news. Sharon protested, "No, it's a veil. A beautiful veil floating lightly upward." Melonie keeps telling her it's not a veil, it's bare butt-ocks. Sharon exclaims, "Well, it's not an arse when I view it on my computer!" To which Melonie replied, "So what? My computer automatically makes pictures dirty? "

Finally, with someone pointing out for her the curve of the rear end, Sharon conceded that it was, indeed, a hiney. A very pretty hiney but, nonetheless, a hiney. And then? With a burning face, she furiously uploaded template after template and refreshed the page until she was certain the scandalous header in question wouldn't end up cached.

What did Melonie and I do? We laughed. And laughed. And laughed. It reminded me of how Melonie once said to Sharon, when she had said something a little bit dingy, "You have an IQ of 168, Sharon, and this is what we get?"

It took Sharon a little longer to fully appreciate the humor. She had to work past the embarrassment first. But she is a good sport. She was laughing the next day.

I have included the image from the header in question so you can see that it really was kind of hard to tell what the picture really was. And, even if it is a rhinestone studded bott-bott (as Jellyhead says), it is a beautiful rhinestone studded bott-bott.

I really did want to say lovely things about Sharon. I wanted to tell you that she is so much more beautiful in person than she is in her pictures -- and that's sayin' something! I wanted to tell you that she is so tender-hearted and empathetic that I have to be careful when I tell her that I've had an asthma attack because she worries herself sick to know that I've had trouble breathing. I wanted to tell you that I nodded my head in agreement as I read this quote from Oprah Winfrey:
"Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it's been a very fun ride."
I nodded in agreement because that is exactly how I feel about this friendship. I am blessed to have a friend like her in my life.

So, I really did want to say lovely things about Sharon but you shall have to settle instead for the story of The Bejewelled Hiney Header. Sorry 'bout that.