Friday, June 30, 2006

hi, guest post from the teenager

Hi, this is the teenager. I'm not going to use my name because my mom doesn't and...I...don't, um, really want to and stuff.

(I made this error message. I went here to make it. )

Uh..... my mom isn't writing because..... um.... she's busy taking care of my brother, who's sick.

What can I tell you about my mom. She broke the answering machine today. (like it was never fixed. Every time you used it this voice would say, "low battery"). but today, she broke broke it for good because she jammed the prong into the thing (outlet) too negative (hard). She said, "I neutered it".

She says stuff like that, like it's funny. Yeah, and I've heard better corny jokes from ACTUAL CORN!!!

Now you're saying....okay, ...? He talks to vegetables? They tell him jokes?

No. But you're close. Pineapples only, actually.

(And in case you didn't know, that was sarcasm.)

If you read this blog, you will be tossed into a never-ending void of darkness. No, you won't. Just kidding.

(And in case you didn't know, that was sarcasm.)

But if you read this blog, you might think you know my mom.
You don't.

This is what my mom is like:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!"
"Dog! get offa da couch!"(from New Jersey she is not) (yoda talk) (and in case you didn't know, more sarcasm.)
"You're making me nuts!"


but mostly it's just,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH *gasp* cough cough ,kaff kaff, (clears throat) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!"


But wait. She stopped drinking coffee. So really this is what she sounds like now:

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhhh"


Because when you drink coffee you speak in capital letters, everyone knows that.

Except for people in Burbank. I don't know why. Something to do with cell phones probably.

My mom has started to resort to drinking "decaf." and, "Caffeine free assorted soft drink types". I think she's reverting to her pre-mom mom days.

Anyway, she asked me to write because she's still tired and all poop-ed out because of the kiddie types and she thinks I'm a good writer. I don't know about that. but I am working on making her " The Non- Sad Sack Extraordinaire".

I don't know what she tells you about me because she doesn't really let me read her blog. I can write on it but not read it. Whatever. But these are the kind of things I think about:

  • "If I had a dollar for every time you didn't have a dollar, I'd have one dollar."
  • Why are soft drinks....soft?
  • Why don't waffle irons go digital?
You know, the usual.

Anyway, before I collapse into unimaginable ways, Quick! take these top secret links before the NWFA* finds me!

Strongbad and da Cheat Rules

uhhh... type stuff.

I think I might be posting for Mom when I'm on vacation next month. She gives me a cell phone but this might be a good way to talk too. So, you'll see me again.

Signed,
The Teenager

*National Wack Federation of America